The Boy Who Cried Wolf (2018 edition)

Here’s a heart-warming childrens’ tale for the little‘uns (Any similarities with the NHS crisis are purely coincidental)

The Boy Who Cried Wolf (2018 edition)

Once upon a time, in a village on a hillside, there lived a little shepherd boy. He loved looking after sheep, and although he was young, he took his responsibility seriously. He was good at it, and rarely asked for help. But one day he came running down to the village crying “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!”

This was because he’d seen a massive fckn wolf. I mean, you wouldn’t make that kind of thing up would you? No messing about, it’s best to tell people about it right? It was one of the first lessons he’d learned in junior shepherding school. If you see a wolf, tell someone about it.

So he rushed down the hill as fast as his little legs could carry him. But when he got down the hill, the Shepherd Council didn’t believe him. “What wolf?” they asked “There’s no wolves here”. They didn’t help him, and he had to go back up the hillside by himself and fight off the wolf.

Every week the boy would come down to the village and say “The wolf’s back again. I think he just lives there now”. But the Shepherd Council would look him up and down, his body bruised and battered from fighting the wolf, and shout “FAKE NEWS” at him. They didn’t help him, they just kept on giving him more and more sheep to look after

“It’s dangerous for the sheep” he’d say.
“Man up snowflake” they replied
“They deserve better than this. I’m working flat out to keep them safe” he’d say
“Stop virtue signalling” they replied “Shepherding is meant to be a vocation”
“Why can’t you help?” he would plead
“Look” they said “You say this every week”

One day, the boy couldn’t fight the wolf off completely and it stole a sheep, so the Shepherd Council punished him. They brought in Inspector Shepherds to count the sheep everyday (but they weren’t allowed to look for wolves).

The boy stayed on working because he loved doing it, and it was a privilege. But more and more sheep were getting eaten. Until, one day, a tiny lamb walked up to the boy and baa’d at him, saying “Fck off m8, ur sh*t at this. Sheep keep getting eaten. Sort it out”

So the boy jacked it in, and went to live in a sunnier meadow where the pay is much better and there’s proper anti-wolf protection.

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