Realistic

There comes a point in most peoples’ lives when they realise that the dreams they had as children probably aren’t going to come true. I’m 34, with a wife, two kids and another one on the way and I’m starting to think I’ll never be a rock-star astronaut cowboy. I should’ve gone to rock-star astronaut school. Missed opportunities.

But as you get older, the everyday concerns of life get in the way of your dreams. You work hard at school, work hard at college or university, work hard at work. All the time thinking it’ll get better. It’s like the end of the Shawshank Redemption, you’re Andy Dufresne, crawling through that pipe of shit towards a life of freedom. But when you get to the end of the pipe, you realise there’s another, and another, and another, until you can’t remember what it’s like to not be crawling on your hands and knees yearning for a different life. But by then it’s too late. You’re institutionalised. One of the pipe-people. Make the most of it. Raise a pipe-family.

And as time goes on, your priorities change. I don’t want to be a big fish, I want to be a safe pair of hands, pay the mortgage and see my kids. But people keep telling me to aim high, reach for the stars, follow your dreams. Maybe that’s what I should be doing? All those motivational Facebook memes are pretty insistent: inane quote in sans-serif on a background of sunset “You are only confined by the walls you build yourself”. You ain’t seen me do DIY mate. Shoddy. Wouldn’t confine anything.

“Your only limit is you” “Your wishes will come true” What if however hard I wish for something, it won’t happen? Maybe I should be praying? All those #PrayFor hashtags every week on Twitter don’t seem to be working. Maybe they should enact stronger gun legislation or something. Do something tangible.

One of the outcomes of all this “dream-following” malarkey is a stream of talentless goofuses appearing on X-factor, dragged in front of the cameras for the braying public. If only someone had said “Tim, it’s great you love singing. I’m glad it makes you happy. Keep doing it. But maybe not professionally. Have you thought about dentistry?”

So what should I tell the kids? Don’t worry lads – aim low. Set yourself realistic achievable goals, don’t aim for the stars because you’ll probably miss. Or maybe there’s a middle ground – one where hard work is rewarded but where failure is always an option. You’ve tried your best, fair play. Maybe try again in a while, or move on.

In any case, I’m changing my goals. I’ve created a list of things I want, some of which are realistic:

1. I want to have a lie-in beyond 07:00 one day a fortnight
2. I want 30 minutes to myself per day to completely waste
3. I want to live in a house where I see a stain on the wall and there is a less than 10% chance it’s poo
4. I want to give up smoking
5. I want my kids to put more in than they take out in life, in whichever way makes them the happiest
6. I want an NHS where medical care is a right, not an unaffordable luxury
7. When I die I want to be cremated, and my ashes thrown in the face of whoever has annoyed me most during my life.

In any case, maybe I shouldn’t aim to complete all 7. Maybe 4, or 3. Something realistic.