Delaying the Inevitable

So, it's Burn's night. I've always felt a particular affinity with the Scottish people, mainly because I really really like fried food. I also like Haggis, as documented in this poem: Address to Haggises In General Haggis is such a tasty treat For connoisseurs of oddball meat Scottish folk are always pining For offal served in stomach lining Haggis that’s grilled, haggis fondue Haggis en croute, haggis in stew Haggis deep fried, Haggis dry roasted Haggis concasse, Haggis that’s toasted Haggis tempura, Haggis by Heston Haggis with extra assorted intestine Haggis that’s stuffed with Haggis rilettes Haggis paninis and Haggis baguettes It’s true that if I had my way I’d eat some haggis every day 

It’s December 2016. We’re in the Labour Suite of the Infirmary. A home away from home – your brothers were born here, and your Mum and Dad work here. It’s been a bad few months – in which governments encouraged us to clamber over each other to escape this fucking dumpster-fire of a year, only pausing to turn back briefly to blame the charred corpses for getting in the way. But now you’re here. The light at the end of the tunnel. What kind of a life have we brought you into? No wonder you came out screaming. Which idiots decided now would be a good time to bring you into the world? One that’s so far off the rails we’re starting to forget what the rails looked like? “Forget about the rails” they tell us, “Rails never really existed”. Maybe it’s because we think that you, in your own way, could make the world a slightly better place? I hope that’s true – that you become one of those people who put in more than you take out, in whichever way makes you happiest. But most of all I h

*SHAMELESS BOOK PLUG KLAXON* So, I've got a new book out, and it's probably the best book about an anthropomorphic wasp who is also Health and Safety Officer. At least it's in the top 3.  Info is here:  https://www.facebook.com/WhyworryWilliamWasp Anyway, in the spirit of Health and Safety, thought I'd better put up some Health and Safety advice for new parents. Because you just can't be too careful: Do not feed babies baby potatoes: I saw a Mum and told her she should wait until he’s older For BabyBel, the same applies (they’re really not a proper size) Do not shower babies in a baby shower: I saw a Mum and told her she should just use soap and water                 But if she insists, I’ll tell her “Try                 to have a plumber on standby” DO NOT ALLOW YOUR BABY TO HAVE BABY BOOMERS I saw a Mum and told her they would make a giant crater (It’s one of our directives to keep babies from explosives) BE CAREFUL W